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Flash Fiction: Awaiting Death

Discussion in 'Roleplay' started by Braiti, Dec 17, 2014.

Flash Fiction: Awaiting Death
  1. Braiti Platinum

    XP:
    87,241xp
    I'm entering a flash fiction contest and just need a little feedback on my story before I post it. The theme of the story is "the one that got away". Hope you enjoy. I want all feedback good and bad.


    The great oak ship bobbed slowly in the harbor. Silence greeted the captain as he approached the ship. Death was also nearby hidden within the shadows of the alleyway. Brick buildings stood tall in the moon’s shimmering light. The ticking clock tower echoed throughout the streets of the rural town. The captain brought his worn sailor’s cap down to his heart. His heart ticked in rhythm with the clock. It was now nearing midnight. The captain collapsed on his nears as his tears flowed down his wrinkly face. He knew Death had been waiting. He knew Death hid within the shadow’s of the alleyway. He knew what Death wanted. He knew all too well what was to come next. He forced himself to stand. Death made his move. Death slithered like a snake through the nighttime fog all the way until he was bobbing over the captain’s head. Just like the great old ship Death bobbed slowly in the air. Death was waiting, the captain was waiting, and even time itself waited.

    Now they all stood waiting. Waiting for what? Waiting for when? The clock’s ticks and tocks almost began to sound like a song. The captain wiping his tears began to hum a tune. No one could save him now. There was nothing anyone could. The captain thought back to a happier time when his drunken shipmates would sing songs of the grand adventures they shared in their younger years. The captain smiled knowing that he lived a long and prosperous life. He knew that he himself was now a legend of the seas that generations to come would tell stories of, and sing songs about. With that he lifted his weary arms into the air, and awaited Death to sweep him away.

    Death watched from above. The time was nearing now. The captain felt like only a day ago he had been a young sailor drunken with love. Where had that time gone? Why had it gone by so fast? Tears filled the eyes of the sailor, but this time not of sadness but happiness. The clock from a distance then struck midnight. The deal was done. The captain now knew his grandchildren could now live on happily without the burden of Death bearing down on them. It was all worth it the captain thought. The captain opened his eyes, but only to find he was still in the harbor. Confused the captain looked around for Death, but he was nowhere to be found. A soft wind blew across the landscape. The captain realizing he was alive laughed with joy skipping merrily home. Death watched as the man skipped home; then just like that he was gone.

    Tdiaz5 and Ole_Byzantine like this.

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