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Smash Lone Champion - Discussion!

Discussion in 'Roleplay' started by Bracko64, Jan 15, 2014.

Smash - Lone Champion - Discussion!
  1. Bracko Emerald

    XP:
    238,128xp
    [IMG]

    So, I wrote a story! Yay! Well, a chapter of one. What do you think? Do you want to appear in the story? What should I improve? Put everything below! ^.^

    Applications!

    Wanna pop up in the following chapters of Lone Champion? Well, reply to this! I want to see YOU in the story, although we may have to make a few changes...

    The better I know you, the better I can catch a good representation of you. Also, names may have to be changed slightly. For example, a name like "Superwalus" is something I wouldn't consider adding, but I can go ahead with "Walus" if I needed to. Soo, if you wanna pop up in the story, here's a quick application:

    Name:
    Brief personality breakdown:
    Anything you want to do specifically:
    Your Smash skill:

    Credits:

    Thanks to a friend of mine who gave a me a kick up the arse to inspire me to get writing.
    Thanks to Aka for a few ideas and the kickass logo!

  2. jaikers99 Regular Member

    XP:
    15,925xp
    I really like it so far, good job :D
  3. TwoFrost Regular Member

    XP:
    12,488xp
    Love the story could i sign up an appear in the story?
  4. Bracko Emerald

    XP:
    238,128xp
    Hehe, I'll edit the OP with an application form, gimme a few minutes... :3
  5. AkatoshKnight Gold

    XP:
    96,337xp
    So damn good bro.

    (Hoping to make an appearance ^.^ because I'm awesomez. :3)

    Name: Akatosh of Leo (Aka or Leo for short)
    Brief personality breakdown: Sometimes silent, becomes a psycho when using explosives.
    Anything you'd like to do specifically: Accompany Bracko! :D (Maybe I could transform into a dragon? :3)
    Smash Skill: Fairly decent. Bracko, I cant describe it, so I think you'd know. :3
  6. MintKirby9 Emerald

    XP:
    177,416xp
    Your story is.... is... simply AMAZING!! I love it, to be blunt! You really capture the bewilderness of somebody in a daze. The story is fantastic, and I simply can not wait to read more!
  7. Bracko Emerald

    XP:
    238,128xp
    Heard good things so far, I guess that means I have to continue it then... :3
  8. Bracko Emerald

    XP:
    238,128xp
    Second chapter added!
  9. AkatoshKnight Gold

    XP:
    96,337xp
  10. steels12 Regular Member

    XP:
    14,728xp
    Separate lines of dialogue from other lines of either descriptive narration or a second party's dialogue. Narration in it of itself is a form of dialogue and thus is gets difficult to discern the internal voice of the narrator (Whoever that may be) with the external voice of a character with their own speech patterns, accents, and colloquialisms.
  11. Bracko Emerald

    XP:
    238,128xp
    Mind = Blown
  12. steels12 Regular Member

    XP:
    14,728xp
    I'd recommend checking out my post on etiquette. It links to other posts relative to writing and such. I'm not saying it's good, I'm just saying it exists.
  13. Bracko Emerald

    XP:
    238,128xp
    I know of them. I read the etiquette. :wink:
  14. Bracko Emerald

    XP:
    238,128xp
    I've added a third chapter to the story. Go have fun! :3
  15. mobarhan Platinum

    XP:
    41,883xp
    Seems like a good role play so far and heres my application for an appearance :stuck_out_tongue:

    Name: Mobarhan (Mob for short)
    Brief personality breakdown: Silent (only talks when its needed) and enjoys beating enemies with a sneak attack or sniping.
    Anything you want to do specifically: Not losing my first match :lmao:
    Your Smash skill: Between above average and elite :D
  16. SarcasticFanatic Gold

    XP:
    46,690xp
    Loving it so far :D. A small suggestion I would make is to possibly better describe an object or move so readers can pick up on the hinted but obvious"thing" (yet oblivious to the character). What I mean is, when I got to the part about the "small, brown rock, imbued with an orange substance, almost flame like" - I had to re-read it one or two times to actually understand you were referring to the grenade. Apart from that, loving it so far :D :D :D.
  17. Hughzaz Retired Staff

    XP:
    467,945xp
    After reading up to Chapter 3, it's certainly improved with time. :3

    One thing I would suggest, is instead of just saying 'Bracko' try and come up with other ways to name yourself. :3

    Such as "The persistent warrior" :3
  18. MintKirby9 Emerald

    XP:
    177,416xp
    I would love to be in this story!
    Name: Joey
    Personality: No real will to fight, unless you make him mad. Will become so enraged, that he will not stop untill whoever opposes him is dead, or he is defeated. Black hair, brown eyes and six feet tall. Not muscular, and a kind person. Also when he is raging, he makes poor decisions!
    Anything Else: I do not take losing easily, but will congratulate my opponent if he bests me!
    Smash Skill: Slightly above average!
  19. Bracko Emerald

    XP:
    238,128xp
    Yo, added a chapter four. This one's more dialogue based and should give a little more background info. :wink:
  20. AkatoshKnight Gold

    XP:
    96,337xp

    Yeargh, finally make an appearance! :3

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