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MineZ Decay of Desire Comments

Discussion in 'Roleplay' started by Squirr3ly, Jul 25, 2015.

MineZ - Decay of Desire Comments
  1. Squirr3ly Regular Member

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    Here you can leave feedback, or leave acharacter application. As for apps, just list out some basic info. You know, name age what they do/did, that kinda stuff. Thanks!

  2. InquisitorEslaf Regular Member

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    I think this was a beautiful introduction for the setting of the story as well as the situation for the main character. You have a lot of room to make a plot line as well as character development for the protagonist so be sure to take advantage of that in the coming few chapters. May your creativity serve you well as you write.
    Write on.
    MTrout and Squirr3ly like this.
  3. Squirr3ly Regular Member

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    Section two is up guys! Check it out and let me know how it reads!
    MTrout likes this.
  4. InquisitorEslaf Regular Member

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    I like the second part so far.
    Just for future reference, it would be best to properly format dialogue by making separate paragraphs when each person speaks. It makes it a lot easier to follow.
    MTrout likes this.
  5. MTrout Platinum

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    This just about sums up my ideas.
  6. Squirr3ly Regular Member

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    Yeah, about the dialogue :lmao: I know some books seperate paragraphs for dialogue, and some don't. I just chose not to, I think seperating dialogue looks tacky. If it becomes a major issue distinguishing who said what, I'll definitely change it. Thanks for letting me know! :D
  7. Squirr3ly Regular Member

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    Section three is up! Much TLC and revision was put to work in this one, so I hope it reads good. Let me know!
  8. InquisitorEslaf Regular Member

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    I think the third section was great, but I can't judge until the next section or two. Unlike our protagonist, I am a pessimist, and if you ask me, I think something bad is going to happen. :)
    Also, it's good to have a little backstory for our second character, but I would like to know more about the first. Where did Evan come from? Why was he on the ship with his family on board? Maybe you've planned this to be revealed in due time, but if not, this is a good heads up.
    Squirr3ly likes this.
  9. Squirr3ly Regular Member

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    I do recognize and acknowledge how vague I've left Evan :lmao: it wasn't intentional at first, more like "I forgot to add that bit in" but now it's playing into my favor anyways. It shall all become revealed in good time
  10. InquisitorEslaf Regular Member

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    I understand what it's like to forget something while writing a story. If it works in your favor though, awesome.
    Write on.
    Squirr3ly likes this.
  11. Squirr3ly Regular Member

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    Section four is up! Sorry if it isn't on par, I found it hard to focus tonight. I'll probably revise the hell out of it tomorrow :lmao:
  12. Squirr3ly Regular Member

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    Section five just went up. Have to add a little to six, and it'll be up by tomorrow.
  13. InquisitorEslaf Regular Member

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    Finally, something dark to give the protagonist something to worry about, not that I was impatient or anything. It was bound to happen at some point. That dream though seems intriguing.
    Keep up the good work.
    Write on!
    Squirr3ly likes this.
  14. Squirr3ly Regular Member

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    Kay, section six is now posted!
  15. Squirr3ly Regular Member

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    Section seven is now up! The longest yet :lmao:
  16. InquisitorEslaf Regular Member

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    Nice fight scene.
  17. Squirr3ly Regular Member

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    Thanks :D It's the first real action scene, so I was hoping it turned out okay. Glad you liked it!
  18. Squirr3ly Regular Member

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    Hey guys, sorry for not giving any updates! :lmao: Section eight is nearly finished, however I have not the time tonight to complete it. It'll be up tomorrow morning though. Sorry for the wait!
  19. InquisitorEslaf Regular Member

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    It's fine. You update faster than I do. I appreciate your favor of the quality of the story over the speed it updates.
    Squirr3ly likes this.
  20. Squirr3ly Regular Member

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    Section eight is now up! It currently holds the record for longest section :lmao: I didn't want to break it into segemnts, which is why I had to finish it today. Enjoy!

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